Are our children growing up too fast and is it our fault as parents? I've been discussing this with my friends and my husband lately. My husband and I are pretty conservative about most things. And that continues into our parenting. We are very careful about what our children are exposed to. We don't have TV, we don't listen to the radio, and we don't go to the movies. We do, however, have Netflix (stored with Lalaloopsy, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Veggie Tales), a collection of CDs, and watch a movie together every weekend night for "Family Nights." We believe, as strange as it may sound, that kids should be kids for as long as possible and not little adults - not that we condone a lot of "adult behaviors," either.
For example, I want my little girl to LOOK like a little girl. She wears smocked dresses, modest skirts, and age appropriate tops with sleeves. And, I won't lie, it shocks me when I go into a store and see skinny jeans, short shorts, and halter tops for toddlers and preschoolers. Toddlers and preschoolers. What exactly do they have to show off? I'm sure they just want to look like older sisters/role models/ friends/ mothers, but seriously? We're indoctrinating our girls with the message to show off their bodies from a young age. That scares me.
I had a friend recently lament that her daughter doesn't want to dress like a little girl any more and wants to wear more mature clothes and wear makeup and listen to the popular songs on the radio and playing with her own iParaphernalia - she's three - and that my friend doesn't feel she can stop her. My husband's question was "Why doesn't she stop her? She's the parent and can control what her daughter has access to and certainly what she does at that age." I agree with him. But how many parents do?
How many parents unknowingly expose their children to a downward spiral of sex-obsessed culture and behaviors from infancy because that is all the mass media and popular ideology throws at us? Are we supposed to have a laid back attitude and let our children expose the world and express themselves as they wish from the earliest of ages and not guide or provide structure for them? Is anyone else sickened by this as I am?
Take our media, for example. This is Lalaloopsy. It's a show about rag dolls who come to life and have the personalities of the fabrics they were made from (a ballet dancer, a teacher, a baker, a nap-lover -she was made from a pillow. Kindred spirit, I think). They plan surprise birthday parties to show their friends they care, they go on adventures, and they learn with each other. And, they're dressed as something relatable for little girls, I think. They're all modest and are known for their personalities and not their bodies. 
These are the Bratz girls. They're marketed for the same age group. They're heavily made up, provocatively posed, and promiscuously dressed. Not to mention that their figures are not indicative of a healthy self image for a little girl. I can't say that I know what the story lines of these shows are because I'm so sickened by their appearance to even allow it in my home. We encourage our little girls to play with these dolls and watch these shows and then wonder why they would want to dress like that? How can they know any different if that's all they see.My son loves trains, cars, and construction equipment. And I will be happy to allow him to indulge his interests even if they change to other things as he ages. But I will not allow him to spend hours watching sexually objectifying and foul language ridden shows nor play video games that make light at sex trafficking and violence. How has that become our new normal?
I have a young cousin who knew how to play every game and level of Grand Theft Auto before he could read. Before he was in first grade he was exposed to stealing, using women and murdering them for sport.
Thomas learns about how to help others and utilize the three R's - to be reliable, resourceful and really useful. He learns how to deal with others who pick on him and taunt him for his kind-natured innocence.I'm not even going to post a picture of what I found while Google imaging Grand Theft Auto. But, based on that, which would you say is more appropriate for a toddler? A preschooler? Anyone, really, for that matter?
Our news reports are littered with horror tales of massacres, murders, drug abuse and prostitution and we wonder why our world has fallen to this state. Seriously? Have we looked at the children we are rearing and what we are teaching them?
If we encourage a little girl to dance provocatively and sing the lyrics to "I'm Sexy and I Know It" we shouldn't be afraid if she comes home pregnant at 16. We planted the seed for those behaviors and have to deal with the plant that grows.
If we allow our young boys to treat girls as lesser individuals and make light of drug use (or worse - see us doing it) then we shouldn't be shocked if he becomes a "baby daddy" with a habit living in our basement. Again, reap what you sow.
And let me say that I'm not judging anyone's parenting. We all have to do what we feel is right for our children. Some people, probably most, won't agree with my ways. And that's okay. I want to know what the motives are for others. And I know that I can't shelter my little ones forever and keep them in a bubble. They will have to go out and explore life and will run into these things. My goal, however, is to ingrain in them such a self confidence and self-love and love and respect of others that they won't see the temptation in the standard fare, but rather live their lives in their own skin.
Am I alone in thinking we should be bringing up our children in a way that would make them productive adults and not succumb to our cultures pressures? Am I wrong for my little girl to want to know what it's like to be respected for her ideas and personality than what she's wearing or how she shakes it? Am I wrong for wanting my son to learn how to be a gentleman and treat others with kindness and regard?
Or am I completely off base and old fashioned?
I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm not entirely concerned about modesty with Gracie while she's still a little girl, because I don't feel like she should have to be worried about that. She's not a sexual being yet. But because she's not a sexual being, I also don't want to dress her like one. So I guess I dress her like a little girl, but I don't go to the extremes that I myself go to in order to remain covered up. She wears normal bathing suits, and pants and T-shirts a lot (because she plays dirty and I'm too cheap to let her mess up her pretty dresses playing outside ;)
I cringe when family members buy her outfits that are too grown up and expect me to put her in them. A toddler shouldn't wear a halter top with sequins on it (actually no girl or woman should IMO) and I think it looks silly on a little girl. I also can't stand it when we get gifts that reinforce the culture of most children today - like mini play purses with lipstick and compacts. I don't even wear that stuff so why would my baby need to be playing like they are?
We watch many videos in my house and I get appalled sometimes when we rent the newer G-rated ones and watch them with the kids. For example, Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipwrecked. We rented that one thinking it would be cute, but I could not believe the way the little girl chipmunks were moving and the songs they were singing. It was like they tried to sexualize five year old chipmunks into pop stars celebutants in this movie. So stupid and so damaging for the little girls watching it, many of which will end up mimicking the movements in order to be like what they see on TV.
We had to cut back on the superhero videos for the boys because I noticed they were getting more physical with each other. It seemed like the more violence they saw on the videos the more violent they got with each other. My boys definitely like to act out (and dress up like) what they see on TV. We do allow them to play with toy guns, even though it's adult activity, but I guess I see playing cowboy or hunter as an OK activity for a little boy. Maybe that's hypocritical of me though.
I realize that parents aren't completely responsible for the actions of their teenagers. Some kids raised in good Christian homes end up messing up and dealing with the consequences, like pregnancy. But I agree with you that if we are allowing our children to see sexual material, dress sexually, or act in an inappropriate way around us, we shouldn't be surprised when they end up acting out those things when they also aren't around us. If the behavior isn't "normal" or acceptable in their home, it may still be tempting, but at least there is the knowledge somewhere in the back of their minds that what they are doing is wrong. Unfortunately, most kids grow up thinking there is nothing wrong with behaving like an adult when they are thirteen years old. Everything in their lives tells them that is normal.