To Cover or Not To Cover

I'm typing this on my phone, so forgive me if this gets jumbled. 

A good many years ago I was convicted about covering my hair. Since I've known God, I haven't cut my hair based on what I've read in the Bible. Here is a pretty good write up on that: http://www.altupc.com/altupc/articles/harbour.htm

But I felt that a lot of women who believe similarly would fashion their hair in distinct ways purposely to draw attention to their hair. I felt that that was vain and was doing more to discredit than showing how beautiful the submission o having long hair and looking feminine can be. I didn't want to do that and wanted to take a stand I suppose against what I saw as vanity so I began to cover my hair  in addition to not cutting. 

I did this for many years feeling that I was doing what God had convicted me of and enjoying that season in my life. However, there came a point when it became the first thing that people noticed about me. It wasn't the light of Christ shining through me, or a friendly smile, or a warm hug. I was the lady who covered. It then started to become a bit of a prideful point because of that. I almost started to feel a bit self righteous that I was the only one who covered and was therefore more modest than women who didn't. What an awful way to feel! 

And then Auds started getting older and asking me about my convictions and why I dressed and behaved the way I did. I feel very strongly about looking and behaving like a lady and that there is teaching in the Bible about gender distinction. I was praying for wisdom about how to teach her without instilling in her a self righteous or judgmental spirit. The last thing I wanted to do was to teach an innocent little one to be hateful and hurtful towards others. Now, I can't say I've ever heard a voice from God directing me. But I do get an impression that usually falls on me in prayer and I can't shake. I started to feel that it would be confusing and conflicting to Auds to teach her about why I don't cut my hair because it's my glory and covering given by God but yet I cover it up and don't let it be a testimony. 

How would she take that? Would she feel that I was ashamed of my hair? Would she feel that I was being hypocritical? Would I plant some seed of doubt in her heart by seeming to not walk the walk that she could later extrapolate to other areas in her walk with God? I prayerfully went to the Scriptures and talked things over with my husband since he's my sounding board when I'm thinking about things. Then my Pastor, who hadn't known what I was praying or thinking of said something that struck home: a ladies' hair is her covering given to her by God while a veil is covering crafted by human hands; which one would I rather be known for? 

That really hit home since I had become known as the lady who covered. And then I realized how prideful I was at judging others' convictions. Convictions are a very personal thing and the Bible says to not judge them as they're given by God. Hello, plank in my eye! That was certainly not the example I wanted to give to my daughter. And I also began to think of what a testimony to God's grace I was hiding by not embracing my hair as my covering and glory. It's not the norm in our society to see a woman with long hair and modest dress. Couple that with a loving spirit and a welcoming smile and people will notice a lot more than a snood. Was I allowing myself to be less salty? 

Now, that's not to say that one can't cover with a right spirit as The Lord convicts. I'm not saying that at all and am  certainly the last one to judge another's convictions. However, for me, I felt that embracing my hair being my covering would show the best example for my daughter and would be the greatest witness for my faith. 

While I certainly don't do ostentatious hairstyles and more often than not prefer a simple bun, I have chosen to not cover with a snood or scarf. And, no, to answer the question I get often, I won't cut my hair because I believe the Scripture instructs me not to. If someone else doesn't feel that way that is up to them. We are sentient beings, after all. But even if my hair touches the floor, I won't. My hair is ankle length now, so I'm sure it's gonna soon.  

While it felt weird at first to not cover, I've quickly grown to feel more comfortable in my own hair and have even looked more into taking better care of it. I feel like my light is shining more and I'm better able to show an example to my daughter since kids are more likely to pay attention to our actions as opposed to our words.

I hope that that makes even the slightest bit of sense as I'm doing this on my phone while nursing a baby and keeping a toddler and preschooler from tearing the house apart. Isn't it something how a million ideas floating around in your head make perfect sense but somehow when it comes to writing it down it turns to chaos?