It's My Birthday and I'll Blog if I Want To

Honestly, I kind of always forget it's my birthday. I just have so much other stuff to focus on that until someone else greets me with birthday wishes, I think it's another day. And most people don't know when my birthday is. I just don't like to be the center of attention. I never tell the kids, and I always discourage my sweet husband from doing something.

I think he's had enough of that, though. I don't know if it's the rough time I'm having with this pregnancy or just the years of me telling him "no, nothing big," but he has outdone himself this year.

First off, he bought me this...

I could have peed myself. Well, almost peeing one's self when pregnant happens more than most pregnant ladies like to talk about. And, believe me, he got a good deal on it. If he'd have paid the $600 sticker price, I would have shot him in the foot with all of the medical expenses that are occurring with this pregnancy. My old watch was on it's last legs from everyday wear over the past few years.

And then he got me a rose delivered to the house. Just one rose with a note that only said he loved me. It was perfect. 

And then, oh it's not over yet, he's using a gift certificate we got for Christmas to go get me steak and shrimp and eggplant for dinner. I'm getting a big ol' 13oz ribeye with some fried eggplant covered with shrimp creole and a piece of king cake cheesecake. I am soooo looking forward to dinner - which is being brought to me, so I can watch in pj's in bed watching Dark Shadows if I want to! Which means I don't have to worry about anyone seeing my fat lip... I'll share that embarrassing story in a minute. 

Other than that, it's been a normal day. The kids and I slept in and cuddled in bed for a while before I got up to make breakfast. I made them some donuts and we've read stories and played games and I've fixed Auds' hair to match each of her 10 outfits she's worn so far today. Now, I'm taking a blogging break while I work in the studio on some precious newborn portraits. 

So how did my fat lip happen? It's so embarrassing. It's raining here. A lot. Like massive flooding 13+ inches in a day raining. Our yard is a swamp pretty much, but our house is dry and for that I'll praise the Lord. I'm also thankful that we didn't get hit by the two tornadoes that rampaged just a bit from our house. Anyway, it was raining and cold, my hardworking husband was working what would end up being a 17 hour day and we had no food in the house. So, I bundled the kids up and took them to make groceries. In the 30 degree weather. In the rain. Right before lunch. While pregnant. Sometimes I wonder about myself. 

Anyway, the mail had just passed and I didn't want to walk down our long driveway to get it so I thought "I'll just drive up to the mailbox on my way out." Yeah...haha. As I'm leaning out of the van to get the mail, I bumped the window button and it started to roll up hitting me square in the mouth and catching my head between the window and the top of the door before stopping and going back down. Thank goodness no one was out to see that. "Honey, what happened today?" "Oh, nothing. That pregnant lady next door got her head stuck in her van window when she was hanging out of it." 

And, let me tell you, it hurt! I now have a big fat lip and a bruise. It's attractive, let me tell you. 

The most random stuff happens to me, I think I should write a book. Perhaps I'll call it "The Woman Who Gets Attacked by Windows and the $100k+ Pregnancy." Lemonade from lemons, folks!

I'm Learning

Thank God for whoever invented pinterest. Since I came from a background that was as domestic as a lumberjack, it's safe to say it's been an interesting journey since being married these past 6 years. I've learned to do laundry and iron, dishes, cook and see and am still learning.

I caught a pin on making your own chicken stock. The stuff in the store is expensive and full of goodness knows what, plus you still need the chicken. But, if you buy a whole chicken at 99 cents/lb and a bag of carrots and celery for $1 each, you can make your own - and keep the meat!

So, last night I made my first stock and deboned the cooked meat from the chicken. All while about to throw up an with two toddlers hanging off of me. I made 5 containers of stock to freeze and got two bags of shredded chicken to cook with. Not too shabby if you ask me.

I'm on a kick of trying to pre-make foods. My sweet husband has been working 17 hour days trying to settle a multimillion case, and I just feel like I'm floating in between all of my appointments, church activities and the kids. In order to help me on those late nights, it'd be great to just grab a meal and warm it up.

And Now Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Blogging

Oi. The end of the year and beginning of this has been absolutely CRAZY!

The kids loved their Christmas presents, which I'm thrilled about. Of course they got spoiled by other family members, too.

We had a great Christmas, albeit stressful with driving all across the state to visit everyone.

New Years was brought in with our annual Watch Night Service. We were there for seven hours (yes, that long), but it felt like 2. The worship was AMAZING - exactly what I needed to cleanse my soul before the new year - and our bishop preached. He is just phenomenal. He has so much wisdom and knowledge and is so prayerful and lead of God that you could listen to his sermons 100s of times and not catch every nuance. He spoke for 3 hours and didn't finish and I honestly wanted him to keep going. But, it was almost midnight and our tradition is to take communion at the start of the year as a consecration.

So, at 11:59, I happily took communion. And at 12:01 I was in the bathroom throwing up. Woo hoo.

We slept in as much as the kids would allow on the 1st and just had a family day.

January 2nd brought a trip to the ER for severe abdominal pain. Drum is fine, but my intestinal system isn't functioning properly and isn't processing anything. A few hours spent there and I get sent home with the condition to come back if the pain hasn't calmed down by the end of the week.

Friday brought the second trip to the ER. Since I have a bicornuate uterus with a history of preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, and pre-term labor, we have to be extra cautious about anything and everything.

Sunday was the 6th, which starts carnival season, so we went to the French bakery to get a king cake after church and started to take down our Christmas decorations.

Monday brought a trip to specialist #2, which still has me vexed. The specialist talked to my midwives and my OB and got me a referral into see them and figure out what the problem is. I get there any only see the NP, who was the most condescending person EVER. I'm usually very forgiving and let things roll off my back but.. if I weren't a Christian, I could have popped her one. She told me that there was nothing that they could do and they wouldn't even look at me since I was pregnant and my OB should have told me that. My question, is if my OB should have told me that and you knew you wouldn't see me, why did you tell him to get me a referral and get over there ASAP to figure out what was wrong. And then charge me $225 before insurance, which means I may get another bill later. Yay.

Today I finally caught ahold of the company who is supposed to be providing my weekly progesterone shots. I was supposed to start taking them two weeks ago. I still haven't received them. They tell me that the meds cost $15,000. Yes, you read that right,  15K! And that my insurance would only cover $12,000 of that, leaving me with $3000 to pay. And the money had to be paid up front before they would deliver the first dose.

I don't know about you, but I don't just have 3K to just hand over without a second thought. I asked if there was anything we could do about that. I was transferred to the actual manufacturer and had to answer a whole bunch of questions. I told them I couldn't pay 3k today, especially seeing two midwives, one OB, and two specialists who all have their own bills. They put me on hold and got a manager and then asked me if I could afford $25 a vial, and a vial should last about a month. That is a whole lot better than $3,000 if you ask me. So, the manufacturer is going to absorb the rest of the cost and tell the providing company who will then ship me the medicine next week - three weeks after I was supposed to start.

I've been advised to reduce as much stress and get as much off of my plate as I can since my body is having such a hard time with this pregnancy. Bless my husband, he's been doing the dishes, the laundry, dinner, and giving the kids a bath most nights. I have to do prenatal yoga and take regular detox baths as well.

My baby crew (midwives, doctor, and specialist) have also gone form the big goal of getting me to full term to go to month-by-month goals. That in and of itself is pretty terrifying. Imagine having your midwife tell you that instead of focusing on getting you to full term, they're just gonna worry about getting you to 20 weeks, then 24, then 28. They're doing it so that as the issues arise, they can give them the attention they deserve to try to keep Drum and me as healthy as possible for as long as possible.

But, it's hard. And its rough trying to decipher what pains I should rush to the ER for and what pains are normal. Coz, sometimes pregnancy is just rough. But with a slew of complications, all of the lines get blurred.

So, I spend most of my days playing with the kids, nesting as much as I can (and getting fussed at later for it) and resting. At least I have something shiny to look at while I rest. My sweet hubby spoiled me and bought me a new watch. My old leather watchband was falling apart after three years of daily wear and the face was all scratched up. So, I got my birthday present a week early. It's more function than form, but he did get me a pretty little one.

I go see the midwife again next week, and in Jesus' name it'll all be alright. At this point, I'm just trying to be calm and stand on faith that God will take care of us. He knows what He's doing.

La Fete de Papa Noel

Our town had a great Christmas shindig downtown tonight to celebrate. All of the shops stayed open late, the church had a life sized nativity, Santa was hanging out, gumbo and drinks, caroling, a bouncy house, and pony rides perfected the evening. And it was all free for everyone. It's do hard to find people and places that don't capitalize on the monetary aspect of Christmas . Everyone was kind and loving and generous to each other. It was a blast.

Christmas Time is Near

So far, I've been super busy with making Christmas presents, doing business cards, designing ours (which should be out in the mail this week!), and nesting. I think my body knows that I don't have much time with Drum, so I've been nesting hard core. However, I've been nesting the smart way. With being so high-risk, we don't want to chance anything, so, I've been directing my sweet, accommodating husband as he does all of my tasks. Which have included:

Buying beds for the kids. Currently, we have a crib side-carred to our bed for babies that will convert to a full sized bed (headboard and footboard). We will use that for Auds when the boys have their own room. The kids... well, they're sleeping on mattresses on the floor. They like to play the "monkeys jumping on the bed" game too much and I wanted to find something sturdy for them. I searched, did a lot of research, and it would have been about $2k to get them something nearly indestructible from the store. Um...no. So, I decided to get something second hand from the early 1900s. If they've lasted this long, they've got to be okay, right? I fell in love with two sets in antique stores downtown. One was from the 1800s. It was gorgeous! But, after a lot of thought, I realized if they'd crack that bed I'd probably cry. Not the best solution. On to Craigslist. I found two 1930s iron bed frames (which run $1k+ in antique stores) for $75 - for both! We're going to sand them and paint them - and when I say "we," I mean "him."

I'll post pictures when they're all painted.

Then, I decided to rearrange the furniture. This from that room, that to this room. Ripping out shelves from the closets (that I did do by myself and got fussed at). Now all that's left before I can post pictures is to put up shelves and paint the dresser that was moved to the living room. I'm not that crazy, it looks okay. Pinterest it if you don't believe me.

Tony's mat is looking cute. Here's a picture of it in progress:

I ended up removing one of the sets of stop signs and adding in our church. I'll add to it with each holiday with places he knows. I think he'll like it. I also made him a policeman dress up vest that is precious, but forgot to take a picture of it before putting it in it's box. 

Auds got a "Princess Aurora" tutu and a "Princess Rapunzel" tutu. I think she'll love them! She's asked for a Cinderella tutu for her birthday. 

Princess Aurora

Princess Rapunzel

I've also been working on things with the kids to get them into the spirit. We have our missionary elf Twinkie and a plastic nativity. "Quit throwing baby Jesus!" are words I never thought I would utter before having a boy. 

We also made the holy family out of some old rolls. Mary ended up being orange, Joseph was green and baby Jesus was blue. Jesus has since been chewed on by Fitz ("Don't feed your Savior to the dog!" another good quote) and has seen better days. 

I also found an awesome ride on John Deere tractor while out at the antique and thrift stores for $10 - those usually go for over $100! I even got yelled at by a lady as I was walking off with it coz she wanted it. She even followed me for a little while. It was kind of awkward. I still want to find something of similar price and size (this thing is large) for Auds as well. I don't think I should be allowed to go thrifting often. haha

God is GOOD!!

Being high risk, I have to go to a neonatal specialist to check on things further. Today was my first visit with him. I'll admit, I was a little nervous. My appointment was pushed back two hours due to an emergency surgery and I had to wait for an hour before going in the back.

When we finally got back (I'm so thankful that Beau was able to come with me), we went straight to the ultrasound room and did about an half hour ultrasound with the tech. Of course, he couldn't tell us anything, but told us that the doctor was watching and he would go and check with him about the results and then the doctor would come in. He told me to stay in the room laying down because the doctor would probably want to do his own ultrasound - I figured that couldn't be good. Who wants to go through an half hour ultrasound only to be told that you'd have to do another one with the doctor?

So, Beau and I sat in the room and made horrible jokes about the Anne Geddes pictures all over the walls before the doctor came in. When he came in, he asked what brought me in. I told him that I was diagnosed with a septate uterus and was risked out of the birth center of choice and sent there for monitoring. He told us that he didn't see a septum in the results.

Say what?!!!!!

We had been through all of this agony and told we couldn't have kids because of this condition and then we don't have it?

He proceeded to do his own ultrasound. As it turns out, I DO NOT have a septate uterus! I do, however have a complete bicornuate uterus. This still means that the baby only has half of a uterus to grow in. This still means that I am high risk and have to see the specialist and watch for signs of premature labor. How can this be positive news? There isn't a risk of the septum tearing and me hemorrhaging and having to have an emergency hysterectomy! It's still a miracle that I can have kids, but the risk to me isn't as high. Not that I'm not worried about my baby, but it is nice to not have to worry about if my babies will have a momma after this one.

I do have to, however, start taking hormone injections weekly which will decrease the risk of a preemie by about 20% - not much, but I'll take it. I have to be monitored still and very careful with my diet - I have a nutrition appointment with my midwife next week. I have to take the gestational diabetes test early (like the next two weeks), at the normal time, and again later to make sure that everything is okay and there's no risk of a too-large baby. Usually, I don't buy the too-large baby thing, but since it only has half a uterus in which to grow, it makes it kind of a legitimate concern now.

I will have to start having vaginal ultrasounds - eek - regularly to examine my cervix for any signs of premature labor starting in 8 weeks.

But, he said that if I can make it to term, I can have the baby at the birthing center in the manner of my choice because there is no risk of death to me! Our main concern is to keep the baby in for as long as possible. My midwives were so excited! Of course, if the baby is preemie, they'll come with my and be my doulas, but there is a chance that I can have my un-invasive birth after all! I'm looking forward to this coz there is a good sushi restaurant right down the road from me that I plan on indulging in. :)

God is so good. Although it's not ideal for every pregnancy, it is a MUCH better diagnosis for us that the original one.

Oh, and the good thing about going to a specialist with very high resolution machines is that we now know what "it" is.

Say "hello," to Drummond.

Auds was a hysterical at first and didn't want a baby brother since she was so sure it was a sister, but I remedied that. Drummond took her and Tony shopping for a present for each of them to show them how much he loved them and how he was so excited to grow up with them. After she got her tea set, she proclaimed loudly, "I feel like having a baby brother now. I love you, Drummond." 

God certainly answered our prayers and although it is not a complete and total healing, it is still a miracle change in circumstances and we are elated at his goodness to us. 

Bummer

Big, stinking bummer. I haven't written this post yet coz A) I've been super duper  busy, B) I'm exhausted, and C) it's a crummy subject to write about.

I can't have an out of hospital birth with Lefty. I have been deemed too high risk and have to take a lot of special precautions to keep Lefty as healthy as possible and in as long as possible. My dream was to have a birth center birth with Lefty and then to have home births with future ones. Not gonna happen.

For this pregnancy, I have two options. I can continue to see my midwives, an OB (who I really don't like, but at least he's a good doctor), and a high-rish neonatal specialist OR I can switch to an OB that I like (I've gotten some recommendations from my midwife), notify them that I'm high risk, and have my midwives as my doulas instead. Either way, I'll be highly monitored and stuck in a hospital. We have an appointment with the specialist on Monday and will make out choice after we get a feel for him.

Annnnd, biggest bummer of all... I can't have any more pregnancies after this one. There is a chance that after this one I might have to have an emergency hysterectomy (the words no woman wants to hear). Even if I don't, the risk on any future babies and myself would be too great that it would be a bad idea to do it. I was told that I shouldn't even have the babies I have and the fact that I'm pregnant now is a miracle and a gift from God, so I am focusing on the positive that God is good and blesses abundantly. I have three miracle children. That's HUGE. But, it's still a hard pill to swallow.

I'm praying that the test results aren't true and that God can heal and everything will be okay, but we do have to be realistic and prepare for the worst case scenario in case this is God's will for us.

However, we do feel called to have a big family and will just adopt in the future if God provides. There is an orphanage that we support and we're planning on adopting from there down the road. God never closes one door without opening another.

It's been a whirlwind over here lately with long doctor's appointments and lots of prayer. God has brought me this far, and I know he'll provide for a healthy (and hopefully lengthy) pregnancy.

Of course I could go on and on about the mixed feelings of elation that I have three miracles and the devastation of not being able to have more, but any mom who has kids or who has ever lost a baby understands how overwhelming that can be.

For the time being, I'm keeping positive, saving our pennies for the likely increased medical cost that our insurance won't cover, and giving God the glory for giving me my wonderful babies.

I'll preface this next statement with the fact that I LOVE my kids. Adore them. Next to God and my husband they are my world. But when I heard from midwives and doctors that they can't explain how I had them and how I have the one currently gestating, my heart overflowed with gratitude for them and I appreciate them sooooo much more. Not that I didn't before, but it really put into perspective how great our God is and how easy it is to become so wrapped up in the day-to-days of life that we see miracles as common place, something we're used to and can depend on. Each day really is a gift. Each breath and each moment are not guaranteed to us.

So hug your babies a little tighter and remember just how precious and miraculous they are.