Bummer

Big, stinking bummer. I haven't written this post yet coz A) I've been super duper  busy, B) I'm exhausted, and C) it's a crummy subject to write about.

I can't have an out of hospital birth with Lefty. I have been deemed too high risk and have to take a lot of special precautions to keep Lefty as healthy as possible and in as long as possible. My dream was to have a birth center birth with Lefty and then to have home births with future ones. Not gonna happen.

For this pregnancy, I have two options. I can continue to see my midwives, an OB (who I really don't like, but at least he's a good doctor), and a high-rish neonatal specialist OR I can switch to an OB that I like (I've gotten some recommendations from my midwife), notify them that I'm high risk, and have my midwives as my doulas instead. Either way, I'll be highly monitored and stuck in a hospital. We have an appointment with the specialist on Monday and will make out choice after we get a feel for him.

Annnnd, biggest bummer of all... I can't have any more pregnancies after this one. There is a chance that after this one I might have to have an emergency hysterectomy (the words no woman wants to hear). Even if I don't, the risk on any future babies and myself would be too great that it would be a bad idea to do it. I was told that I shouldn't even have the babies I have and the fact that I'm pregnant now is a miracle and a gift from God, so I am focusing on the positive that God is good and blesses abundantly. I have three miracle children. That's HUGE. But, it's still a hard pill to swallow.

I'm praying that the test results aren't true and that God can heal and everything will be okay, but we do have to be realistic and prepare for the worst case scenario in case this is God's will for us.

However, we do feel called to have a big family and will just adopt in the future if God provides. There is an orphanage that we support and we're planning on adopting from there down the road. God never closes one door without opening another.

It's been a whirlwind over here lately with long doctor's appointments and lots of prayer. God has brought me this far, and I know he'll provide for a healthy (and hopefully lengthy) pregnancy.

Of course I could go on and on about the mixed feelings of elation that I have three miracles and the devastation of not being able to have more, but any mom who has kids or who has ever lost a baby understands how overwhelming that can be.

For the time being, I'm keeping positive, saving our pennies for the likely increased medical cost that our insurance won't cover, and giving God the glory for giving me my wonderful babies.

I'll preface this next statement with the fact that I LOVE my kids. Adore them. Next to God and my husband they are my world. But when I heard from midwives and doctors that they can't explain how I had them and how I have the one currently gestating, my heart overflowed with gratitude for them and I appreciate them sooooo much more. Not that I didn't before, but it really put into perspective how great our God is and how easy it is to become so wrapped up in the day-to-days of life that we see miracles as common place, something we're used to and can depend on. Each day really is a gift. Each breath and each moment are not guaranteed to us.

So hug your babies a little tighter and remember just how precious and miraculous they are.

A Homemade Christmas

This year, in lieu of buying the kids more "stuff" - I know they'll get plenty of that from relatives - I'm planning on making their gifts. Yes, I'm adding this to my already busy schedule. I think I'm a glutton for punishment. haha!

But, I decided that I'm going to make Tony a car mat for his Hot Wheels. The boy loves cars, just like my husband. These are made on felt squares that can be taken apart for use on the road (or church, the doctor, wherever he may need to focus his attention to keep quiet and still) or placed all together for a large map. I think he'll like it. 

For Auds, I'm going to make some tutus and dress up outfits. The girl loves dressing up and changing outfits. I've created her a dress up station in the playroom and will make stuff for Buddy as well - policeman vests, etc. I think it'll be a lot of fun. 

I was just overwhelmed with the amount of consumerism there is. We went to get a gift for a friend's party and Auds had a meltdown in the toy aisle over every little thing. Creative marketing at it's best. Put it in a shiny package within arm's reach of preschooler so that said preschooler will grab and hug and fall in love with. Preschooler will then throw a fit in the middle of the store "forcing" parents to purchase item - that will likely soon be forgotten about. Of course, I'm that bad parent who said "no" and held her through the store as we quickly checked out and made our exit. 

For Christmas gifts for friends this year I'm making chocolate dipped pretzels in personalized mugs. For the neighbors, they're getting candy. Reindeer noses, to be exact. We have 15 neighbors in our little cul-de-sac, so I wanted to do something thrifty. Last year I made cocoa mixes. 

What are you doing for Christmas this year?

Another Reason I Love my Midwife

I got a call last night from my midwife concerning my ultrasound results. Calling at 6:00 on a Sunday evening NEVER happens with an OB, so I was a little worried, I'll admit.

She was calling to let me know that my results revealed that I have a septate uterus and asked if I knew of it my previous doctors had talked to me about it. I told her "no" and that I had no idea what it meant.
Here's the scoop:

Septate uterus is a freak abnormality that only occurs within  about 5% of the population. When my body was forming, it tried to form two uteri. I don't have two sets of fallopian tubes or anything, but I do have two cavities within my uterus. A septate uterus typically causes infertility, high recurring miscarriages, and premature births - another reason in addition to the anemia as to why T was early.

She's not too concerned as the baby looks great and I've had two previous successful pregnancies after our first miscarriage. The only worry is that I may not make it to term, which in our state is a must if you want to deliver out of hospital. If that happens, she will be my doula.

So, I've really got to be on my game with my diet and keeping healthy so I can try to make it to term. It's a toss up as to if I will since I have one term baby and one preemie baby, but either way, my water will break because of the septate uterus.

In Jesus' name, I'll be able to make it to at least 37 weeks!

What worries me is that neither of my previous doctors ever mentioned anything about it. And now that I've been told what it is, I can definitely see it on the ultrasound, so it should have been mentioned. Regardless, I am thankful that I know about it now and can be on the look out.

But, baby is doing well and is growing in my left uterus.

Why I am Thankful

I'll refer to this blog post here: http://www.stephanieleblancphotography.com/2012/11/giving-thanks-why-i-am-thankful/

It's the Most Busiest Time of the Year

Or, at least it is for photographers.

Consults and viewing and ordering parties to schedule and do.

Portraits to take, cull, and process.

Proofs to order.

Christmas cards to design.

Orders to process, package and deliver.

Paperwork to try to keep up to date on (hahaha!)

A studio to try and keep clean (hahaha!)

Personal Christmas cards to take portraits for, design, order, send out.

Kids to love and take care of.

Food to cook and a house to clean.

Music practice for the section youth rally being hosted at our church (my husband is the worship leader).

Christmas presents to attempt to figure out.

Bible studies to lead.

Minister's wives functions to attend.

Junior League meetings to attend.

Parties to throw at local homeless children's shelters.

Boy, it sure is busy being a PPPPW - professional photographer Pentecostal preacher's wife! haha!

But, it is such a blessing.

It really forces me to sit down and enjoy the time I have and the blessing I have. Sure, we're not Astors, but our needs are being met. Our house may not be The Breakers, but it keeps us warm and gives us enough room to live our lives. My clothes may not fit the best at the moment (I had lost a lot of weight prior to the baby) and I may feel like doody, but I'm growing another miracle.

So, I've been making sure that my children feel as blessed as I do. I wake them up each day with a kiss and a hug and sing "This is the Day." I've been feeling so bad lately that I've just kind of laid around and let them play as they want to. But, I haven't really cherished those moments. Instead, now we do easy activities so that I can still be involved, and not kill myself.

Homemade edible playdough, letter activities (it's Thanksgiving themed, too, with "b" for butter and "t" for turkey), coloring, paper airplane flying, lego castle building, book reading, baby doll tending, lots of cooking, etc. It's been a lot more fun.

And last week was a whirlwind with all of my midwife and ultrasound appointments. I still have to go in for my blood work and my state-mandated OB appointment, but I'll get to those. lol.

The result of the ultrasound is.... one healthy little baby due June 17th with a heart beat of 166!

We didn't tell Auds anything until the ultrasound and we brought her so she could see. She was so excited! That's all she talks about now is the baby. She has decided that it is a girl. Honestly, Beau and I are kind of hoping so, too. I absolutely love my son. Don't get me wrong there. But he gets into sooooo much. He is the stereotype of what a boy is. Oodles of energy that never end. Gets into everything. Climbs on everything. Throws everything. Runs everywhere. He alone wears me out. A little girl to calm things back down again would be great. haha.

Auds was the most mild-tempered little one until Tony got mobile. He is such the instigator that he turned her from the sweet little girl tending her baby dolls to his number one partner in crime. I love it. It's adorable. It's hilarious. There is never a dull moment in this house. There is also never enough sleep.

I think it's so sweet that the baby is due the day after our 6th wedding anniversary. Auds was born 3 years to the day after my husband proposed. Tony was a surprise 4th anniversary present. And #3 might just come on our anniversary. God has a funny way of timing our children around important dates for us and reminding us of how important love really is. Awwwwww.

My First Midwife Appointment

I looove my midwives! I know it sounds horrible, but I feel so much more comfortable with them and their services than with either of my OBs with my other kids.

My primary midwife is actually my doula from T's birth. So, not only is she a friend, but we already have that special bond.

I also feel that they are much more knowledgeable than most doctors about having a normal birth. I'm not knocking doctors, I just feel that they are trained more in matters of a serious complication -which is good- but dont know much about such a natural process and event and preventative care.

My midwives were able to conclude from my medical history that I had pre-eclampsia with Auds because I wasn't getting enough protein in my diet. So, I'm on the Bradley diet to prevent that again. (my previous OB said it was a fluke and nothing could be done til it came back)

They also concluded that because I'm very anemic that my membranes were too weak causing my water to break so early with T and him being premature. (my OB also said it was a fluke) I'm on iron supplements to help boost it up.

My sickness is so bad that it's causing my blood pressure to be 88/52, which is crazy low. Instead of prescribing a pill, I'm taking alfalfa, which will help with the sickness as also boost my iron and vitamins A, C, and K.

This pregnancy is taking a totally preventative approach to make sure that previous complications don't happen again.

Now, because our state is so anti-midwife, I do have to go in for an ultrasound today as well as see an OB for my initially "diagnosis." Right now I'm just "amenorrhea" instead of pregnant. But there is one doctor who works very closely with my midwives, so I'm seeing him.

All in all, we're super excited about it all. The birth center is wonderful (planned home births aren't allowed just yet), and I'll be able to actually relax and eat and enjoy my labor.

Reasons 100000000006-10000000010

That I love my husband.

Today we had play class for Tony and Auds, so we were out and about. My gas light came on and I was feeling so bad that I knew I couldn't handle the smell of the gas. So my hubby left work and met me at the gas station. Tony had fallen asleep and now Auds was needing to go tee-tee. He took Auds to the potty and came back with some plain chips and a water for me. Not the healthiest, but considering where we live and what our options are, it wasn't bad. He could have gotten a fried boudin ball covered in cheese. Boudin is Cajun sausage made the old fashioned way- with pig intestine casings, sometimes with blood (red boudin) or not (white boudin).

Anyway, he then proceeds to put Auds back in her seat, pump my gas and blow me a kiss so I didn't have to roll down the window. My hero.

At home, I start feeling worse and don't even feel like making or eating lunch. I was browsing pinterest while the kids watched movies and made general mayhem and came across a picture or a dish that Picky Pants found appealing. I sent him the image, thinking nothing of it.

On his way home, he picks up sausage stuffed tortellini (since Picky Pants is on a dairy strike), vodka sauce, and a cherry pie. Let me tell you, it was the one thing I've kept down and it was delicious.

I told Auds that she needs to marry someone exactly like her daddy when she grows up. And I meant every word.